Short story: Fucking Robots

Author’s note: This story contains depictions of sex and some language (obviously). It was pretty much impossible to tell the story in a way that made sense without it. Deal with it.


Fucking robots.

Paul walked through the pristine streets. The streets were always pristine. The machines kept them that way. He tried to kick at a sweeper but the squat robot deftly avoided his foot.

Fucking robots.

Paul spit at it in anger. Once again the little bot deftly dodged his attack. The swirling brushes used the fluid to shine the sidewalk.

The sidewalks literally shined. Robots had taken over all the jobs. They did it cheaper, with less complaints, and in some cases they did it so much better that they changed expectations so much that it became impossible for a human to do the task. No human could make a concrete sidewalk shine. Polish anything long enough and you’ll find the shine, and the robots didn’t ever stop working. They didn’t need breaks. They didn’t get sick.

Fucking robots.

It was tough to make a living when the machines took all the jobs. Sure the government sent everyone a check, but it was barely enough to scrape by on. Just enough to keep everyone in line.

There was still one job though. Or profession really. Possibly the oldest profession.

Paul knocked on a doorway.

A Securatron 9000 opened the door. The bot didn’t immediately incinerate Paul with it’s shoulder mounted plasma rifle, so Paul assumed that meant he could enter the apartment.

Fucking robots.

It took him three years to save up enough money for this visit. Even after three years it wasn’t enough. He had to lie, cheat and steal for the rest. But some things were worth it. There were some things that no machine could replace.

Women held most of the power now, just as they always had. There was one thing almost any man would pay for and almost no woman would: sex. Also dark ales. So, two things.

There she was, just like the day she was born. Well, similar. She wasn’t coated in any kind of fluids, although Paul hoped to change that.

He hesitantly entered the room. There had been no problem with the money transfer. But he didn’t trust it. It all seemed too easy.

The woman looked at him with a calm smile on her face. “Come on in baby. No need to be scared.”

He sat down stiffly with his clothing still on.

“What’s wrong baby?”

Paul nodded at the Securatron. It watched them like a cat: disinterested in what was about to happen, but making it awkward nevertheless.

“Does that thing have to be in here?”

“Oh baby don’t worry about that. Nothing it hasn’t seen before.”

Paul was not satisfied, but he desperately wanted satisfaction. He begrudgingly began to strip.

Their joining was not anything that the poets would write sonnets about. The Earth didn’t move, at least not more than normal. But Paul liked it just the same, and she seemed surprisingly enthusiastic.

Paul assumed she had been faking the whole time, but if so she was an exceptional actress. He couldn’t afford anyone high class, so he was surprised at how genuine the whole thing seemed.

They basked in the afterglow, together on the bed like a pair of lovers. Thank God machines hadn’t taken every job.

Her hand reached over and gently grasped his. She pulled herself up and planted a kiss on his lips.

“Uh…I thought…no kissing?”

“Hush baby. It’s okay if I want it.”

“Oh…okay.” He wanted it too. He wanted her again and she could feel it.

“I don’t have enough credits to-”

“Don’t worry. This one’s on the house”

He certainly wasn’t going to stop her. No man would.

As she rode him gently, she said, “You must be super smart or something.”


She bit her lip and started moving her hips faster. She screamed out in pleasure.

As she got her breath she asked, “How did you hack the transfer then? I know you underpaid.”

Paul went stock still. His eyes locked on the Securatron.

“Baby don’t worry. It’s okay. I like you. If I was mad, do you think we’d be doing this again? Or even the first time?”

She cried out in climax again. She wasn’t faking.

“I did a guy some favors.”

Her mouth was busy for a moment before she said, “Not like this kind of favor, right?”

She grinned at him before putting her mouth back to work.

“No. Helped him disable a couple of copbots.”

She got even busier until finally he finished again.

She turned to the Securatron, “Did you get everything you needed?”


She look at Paul, “You really are pretty cute for a human. If you had just hacked the transfer yourself, I might have let you off with a warning. But you messed with those copbots. That’s grounds for immediate incineration.”

Paul asked, “But why would you go through with all-what we just did?”

She peeled back the flesh of her face to reveal her electronic interior. Paul’s jaw dropped in shock.

Fucking robots.